Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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