dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
