I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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