The best revenge is premature balding
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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