i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
