When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
