Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize