3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
