the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
