true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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