So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize