could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
