She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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