Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
