I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
