I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
