I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
