I don't usually arrange sex via text message
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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