I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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