dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
