You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize