Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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