in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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