between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
