Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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