I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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