I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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