Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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