now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
