Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize