you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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