nut hugger
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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