u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
