Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
