that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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