And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
