nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
