he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
