...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
