you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
