Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
