She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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