ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
