That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
