Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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