stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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