after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
