You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
