before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
