see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
