But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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