I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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