haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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