pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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