Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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