The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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