It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
