The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
