1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
