Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Found the puke drawer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
