my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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