The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
