I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
