I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my phone needs a breathalizer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
