My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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