I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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