Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
