making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
