wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
