So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
