How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
