I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
