hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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