What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
this hospital has no fireball
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
