I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hippo gnu deer
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Someone came in the potted fern
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
