She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
