So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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