GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize