This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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