I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
