hotel room ftw
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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