I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
