You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
