well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
