wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
