wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Welp...herpes.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
