Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
