I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
