I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize