I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
