I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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