I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Congratulations! We have a period
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
