im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
