I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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