New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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