He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
