My cat gives me a boner
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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