a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
