We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
