What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
