imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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