tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize