I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
