Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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