I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
