New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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