Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
