tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
