i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
