i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
