what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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