I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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