I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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