I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
