Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
